The Last Time Without Knowing It

The last time Abi wanted to carry me to my bed, I told him to stop.

I had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room.

I only remember feeling two arms slide under me.

I opened one eye.

“Abi… what are you doing?”

He smiled.

“I’m taking you to bed.”

I immediately tried to get down.

“But I’m too big!”

Abi laughed.

“Too big? Since when?”

“For a long time.”

He set me down on the floor.

“Alright, mister big. Go to bed by yourself.”

I walked to my room, dragging my feet.

I didn’t think about it again.

Why would I have?

It was just another evening.

---

A few days later, Oummi held out her hand to cross a big street.

I looked at her.

Then I looked at her hand.

“Oummi, I know how to cross.”

She gave a little smile.

“Okay, Nabil.”

She took her hand back.

I crossed next to her.

I was quite proud.

Again, I didn’t think about it.

---

Then one Saturday, Oummi asked me to help her empty a closet.

We had to make room to store things.

At the back, behind an old blanket, I found a plastic dinosaur.

Green.

With a slightly twisted leg.

I recognized it immediately.

“But it’s still here!”

Oummi laughed.

“Of course it’s still here. You refused to throw it away.”

I picked it up.

When I was younger, this dinosaur was called Croquator.

Why?

No idea.

Croquator had been a king.

A pirate.

A doctor.

A guardian of a fortress.

I stood for a few seconds with it in my hand.

Then I asked:

“How long has it been since I played with it?”

Oummi thought.

“A long time.”

“But when was the last time?”

She shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

That seemed strange to me.

How could she not know?

I put Croquator in a box meant for my little cousin.

And that evening, something came back to me.

Abi wanting to carry me.

Oummi’s hand.

Croquator.

I wondered if some things stopped like that.

Without warning.

---

A few days later, we watched old videos on the computer.

In one video, I was six years old.

I was running in the living room with Croquator in one hand.

In another, I was asleep on Abi’s shoulder.

Back then, Abi had much less trouble carrying me.

Then there was a video where I was crossing a street, holding Oummi’s hand very tightly.

I asked:

“When was the last time Abi really carried me?”

Abi looked at Oummi.

Oummi looked at Abi.

“I don’t know,” said Abi.

“And the last time Oummi held my hand to cross?”

Same answer.

“I don’t know.”

That almost made me angry.

“But you remember my first tooth!”

Oummi laughed.

“Yes.”

“You remember my first day of school.”

“Yes.”

“You remember the first time I rode a bike without training wheels.”

Abi smiled.

“That, I remember very well. You ended up in a bush.”

They laughed.

Me, much less.

“Then why doesn’t anyone remember the last times?”

This time, they became silent.